Thursday 22nd December, 2011.

Hi there!

I hope you’re having a great day, as we countdown to Christmas (and for some of us, some time off from what has been a pretty hectic year!).

I’m actually on holidays until the 5th of January, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post much between now and then. It’s been pretty crazy over the last few days, so I haven’t been able to get back to my blog review, but hopefully that will happen again soon (if not early on in the new year!).

As such, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year.

May 2012 bring you much growth in your parenting endeavours, so that our families all benefit.

Keep on keepin’ on!

Michael Winters.

———————————

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Sunday, 18th December, 2011.

Hi there! And welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. In this particular issue, I dive back into the book that I’ve been reading, by the name of ‘Growing Great Boys’. It’s written by Ian Grant, and it has sure got me thinking about the importance of raising boys well, and raising them differently to girls.

Having finished my thoughts on Chapter 1, we’ll now take a look at Chapter 2…

Chapter 2 – The Importance of Fatherhood.

In our western, feminist dominated world, that is also being pushed around by the Gay Rights agenda, it is almost a cardinal sin to say that children need both a (female) mother and a (male) father. Feminism has pushed for the equality of women, and in most cases rightly so, but in many cases they have gone too far. And one area that they have gone too far in is that of Fatherhood. One gets the impression, when listening to some of the commentary in the media, that children (including boys) can do just fine without a father: that as long as they have one parent (or two parents of the same sex) who love them, then they won’t be disadvanted in any real way.

But Grant takes issue with this point of view, and he’s able to marshall some research that backs him up on this point.

Grant writes:

‘Studies have shown that dads can never be too involved with their sons, and that this involvement has massive implications for the future. Well-fathered boys show the positive effects years later, by their capacity for empathy as well as by the health of their social relationships and capacity for intimacy…Academically they thrive; emotionally and socially they have the skills to cope, and their career success is influenced positively’ (p34).

(This is a study done by Robert Sears, Santa Clara University; and the Glueck Study, by John Snarey at Harvard University).

What a breath of fresh air this is, proving the experience of countless generations of fathers, who had an immensely positive impact on their sons!

But the great tragedy that this brings to mind is the enormous number of single parent families, where often it is just the mum single handedly raising her children (including boys). Such children (and especially the boys) are placed at a profound disadvantage! And yet, there are ways to redeem the situation, but the point remains: boys need a father.

And if you are a father, you need to be involved in your son’s life.

More on this tomorrow!

——————————

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Thursday, 15th December, 2011.

Hi there!

Michael here. Over the last week or so I’ve been doing a few posts on a parenting book I’ve been reading, namely Raising Great Boys, by Ian Grant. It’s a great book, and hopefully some of the thoughts that I’ve shared with you will help you in your parenting, particularly if you have boys of your own.

But I thought today we’d take a break from the book, and share some general parenting tips that will help you as a parent.

————————

Tip #1: Build lasting memories with your children.

One of the richest legacies that we can give our children is wonderful memories of their growing up period. Having fond memories of childhood is a profoundly comforting thing to have as an adult (and the reverse is also the case: having bad memories can be somewhat painful). Human beings need memories: it is a need that we cannot get away from, and so providing positive memories will be of great benefit to your children.

And so, you want to do things that are memorable, in a positive way. An obvious way is by doing things that are fun and exciting. Make gingerbread men. Play football in the backyard together, and do arts and craft projects. But not only do these things, but also do them regularly. Do these things, and doing them often is a truly great way to build lasting memories, which will bring much joy and delight to you child when they do it, but also as they remember back to it.

Tip #2: Model the behaviour you want for your child.

You may have heard the saying ‘do as I say, not as I do’. It is common for some parents to parent by this motto. But the reality is that it doesn’t work. Children pay more attention to how you act, than by what you tell them to do. And so if you want your child to grow up to respect other people, then you need to firstly model this in your own behaviour, in the way you treat your spouse (most important!), to the way you treat other family members. And even (or especially) how you speak about others when they are not present. Do you tear others down behind their back, even though you are friendly to their face? Such ‘two-faced’ behaviour is hypocritical in the extreme, and is easily picked up by our kids.

And so it is important to firstly be aware of the way you behave in front of your kids, and then to make sure that you model the behaviour that you want your kids to have. Modelling is the most powerful way of teaching and training others. Without modelling, all other methods of persuasion are much less effective. And this is especially the case when it comes to parenting.

———————–

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Wednesday, 14th December, 2011.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent.

In my last post, I discussed the point that Grant raises in his book ‘Growing Great Boys’ (pictured), that boys in particular need to feel that your family has a sense of purpose, a sense of mission, that you as a family stand for something.

In this post, I was us to think about how we might develop that sense of mission, if we don’t already have one.

Put together a mission statement.

Writing a mission statement is probably one of the best ways to develop a sense of mission and purpose. When I mean writing a mission statement, I don’t mean you or your spouse sitting down, writing out what you believe to be the purpose of your family, and then handing it to the rest of the family, saying ‘here it is’. Mission statements that are handed down from on high are usually not very compelling, because the rest of the family hasn’t had a chance to develop it, and buy into it.

As author Stephen Covey says when he talks about putting together a mission statement, ‘no involvement, no committment’. If you just give people the mission statement they most likely won’t commit to it. And so here’s the first tip when putting together a mission statement for your family:

1)      As much as is possible, involve your family in the writing of the family mission statment.

If you do involve your family (depending on the age of your children, of course), then you will more likely get your kids to buy into it, and accept it as their mission statement.

2)      The Process.

The process of writing a family mission statement is not all that different to writing other mission statements, and it begins by asking and answering a number of important questions. Questions such as:

• What sort of things do we cherish and hold dear as a family?
• What sort of people do we want to become?
• At our funerals, what sort of things do we want other people to say about us? Or more importantly, think about us?

As you get the answer together for these questions, you will get a sense of the direction that you want your family to head. The mission statement lays out the ‘port’ where you are heading, and so by having a think of where you wish to end up, you’ll gain a sense of what really matters to you as a family.

3)      Capture the mission in a short mission statement.

Once you have some ideas down as to where you wish to head as a family, then next step is to capture those thoughts into a crisp, easy to read statement. Now understand that a mission statement is first of all for your own family, and not for others, so the important thing is that you as a family understand it.

Some ideas of mission statements are as follows:

• In our family, each lives for the other, and all live to God;
• Our family is devoted to knowing God, and making Him known.

Now yours will no doubt be different and unique, but the point is to get a statement together that captures the essence of what you are about.

Conclusion.

If you do this as a family, and commit to living to it, then you will start to feel that you have a real sense of direction and purpose: a real compass, that guides what you do. And it will be of enormous benefit to you all, but especially to your boys.

—————————————–

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Tuesday 13th December, 2011.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent.

In my previous post, I discussed one of the points that Ian Grant brought up in chapter 1 of his book, ‘Growing Great Boys’. He talked about having sesne of mission for your family, and how important this is for boys in particular. If boys don’t feel like they belong to a family which has a clear and compelling purpose, argues Grant, then they’ll feel a lot less secure about themselves, and about life. And presumably, they will look elsewhere for that sense of security (perhaps in their peer group – or at worst, in a gang).

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever given much thought to your family’s mission statement, as to what the purpose of your family is. I’m guessing most parents, particularly of young children, are just in survival mode, trying to get by, and make it through to the end of the day. The thought of a greater purpose just seems almost a distraction when you’re in survival mode.

But I think there are some clear benefits of thinking about your family’s purpose. Of thinking about what you as a family stand for. Of thinking about what your mission is for your family.

Vision and Mission.

As a chaplain on a university campus, I head up a team of staff and students. And we took a number of weeks to think through some of these big questions: what is our mission? What would it look like to accomplish our mission (this is known as our ‘vision’)? What are our core values, that we have now, and drive what we do?

And let me say, it was quite a helpful process. It got us thinking about the future, about where we want to head (our timeframe was the next 3 years), and it got us thinking about the opportunities that lie before us, rather than merely trying to make it day to day. The point being, that if you select a destination, and mark it out, then you are more likely going to get there.

Now I think it is much the same in families as well. If you as a family have a clear ‘destination’ in mind, and you know where you as a family want to be in, say 3, 5, 10 years time, then you’re more likely to be able to get there. So for example, if you’ve decided that you want your kids to be bilingual, then you will more likely put in the effot to go through the daily routine of teaching your kids a second language, even though it might be difficult on a day by day basis. But having that goal (presuming that goal is one that inspires you) in the forefront of your mind will give you the energy that you need to push on and make it happen.

Now that’s enough for today I reckon, but tomorrow I might think about how you might implement this vision building process into your family.

—————————————–

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent.

I’m continuing my series on raising great boys. As I mentioned to you the other day, I have a boy of my own, who at this stage is two years old, and it has got me thinking about exactly how should I raise him.

As such, I’ll be giving you my thoughts about a book written by New Zealand author and parenting guru Ian Grant, entitled ‘Growing Great Boys: how to bring out the best in your son’. I hope you find it helpful, and would be interested to hear your thoughts if you would like to leave them.

All the best,

Michael.

Chapter 1: The landscape for boys in the 21^st century (cont’d).

As I continue my reflections on this chapter, I came across something very interesting that Grant says. He says the following:

‘Our families need to stand for something. When our boys are born, they should be joining a family that already has its own mission or direction in life. Modern western families too often see children as an end in themselves, and re-orientate everything around this little person. However, for a child, real security is joining a family that already knows what it stands for and has a purpose and a vision’ (emphasis added).

What a fascinating insight.

This isn’t something that I’ve ever come across, or at least have never read an author put so explicitly.

That is, if I want my son to be secure, then they need to join a family with a mission. A family that stands for something. A family that has a purpose (presumably a purpose higher than ‘we’re here to have fun’).

But what should families stand for?

What is the purpose of a family?

Do/should all families have the same purpose?

Or can we choose our own purpose, like we choose which sporting team we go for?

Grant doesn’t seem to answer this question, and our postmodern culture (‘there are no absolute truths, or metanarratives’) doesn’t provide much help either, unfortunately.

So where do we go, to find out what the purpose of our families are? Where the purpose of our lives are?

Well, the logical place to go is to the One who designed life, who made it in the first place.

If such a One exists, then surely they are able to answer that all important question for us!

And as it turns out, there is such as One: the One who made each one of us: the One who brought this universe into existence, and Who will bring it to completion in His good time.

And so I’ll be reflecting on this a little more in my next post.

Till then, take care.

Michael

——————————————————

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent.

I’ve started a series looking at how to parent boys. As I mentioned to you the other day, I have a boy of my own, who at this stage is two years old, and it has got me thinking about exactly how should I raise him.

As such, I’ll be giving you my thoughts about a book written by New Zealand author and parenting guru Ian Grant, entitled ‘Growing Great Boys: how to bring out the best in your son’. I hope you find it helpful, and would be interested to hear your thoughts if you would like to leave them.

All the best,

Michael.

Chapter 1: The landscape for boys in the 21^st century (cont’d).

Continuing on in my reflections of Chapter 1, Grant gives some great tips on helping boys to thrive in today’s high pressure world.

They are as follows:

1) Security: A boy will feel secure when he knows that he is a valued part of the family team.

This is an interesting one, and reflects the differing needs of boys over girls. Grant maintains that if you give your boy tasks, celebrate his milestones, so that he is valued for his contributions, then you give the boy a sense of belonging to the family. This in turn gives him a sense of security, which will presumably keep him for looking for that sense of security in other places (e.g. gangs).

Unfortunately there are a lot of families (e.g. divorced parent families) where this sort of security is harder to come by, so if you are in that situation, it may be something you need to pay extra attention to.

2) Self worth: Self esteem comes from a sense of progress.

Grant maintains that when your son knows that he is capable of making good choices by himself, as opposed to just carring out instructions, then self-worth will more likely come from the inside.

Look, we all need self-esteem, and like it or not, we will look for activities and people that we think will give it to us. I like the idea of giving a boy self esteem: my only concern with this point is that it is ultimately fleeting: a boy will keep having to perform, in order to feel self esteem, and to feel worthwhile.

What happens when they go through a period of failure?

Will their self esteem hold up?

Or can we ground their self esteem in something (or Someone) other than mere performance?

3) Significance: Give your son the gift of individuality and choice

This involves asking your son for their values and opinions. To start taking their view seriously, and to listen and debrief in an adult way. When they are going through a tough time, offer him an ‘adult’ perspective.

Look, I’m all for treating boys as men (when the time comes), and to prepare them for manhood. To help them realise that they have something important to contribute can only help toward that goal. I know that I have often felt most manly (thinking back to when I was a teenager) when men I respected asked me for my opinion.

Overall, I like some of Grant’s thinking: raising a son means that we will have to treat our boys in particular ways: ways that help them to grow into men.

However, Grant leaves out a vital aspect of manhood: knowing God our Creator. And thus Grant’s view, while good, does not give us the complete picture of manhood. I’ll have more to say about this later on.

————————————-

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  I’ve also recently put a review of the Angelcare AC401 Baby Monitor. Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent. Over the next few days, if not weeks, I’ll be starting a series looking at how to parent boys. I have a boy of my own, who at this stage is two years old, and it has got me thinking about exactly how should I raise him.

As such, I’ll be giving you my thoughts about a book written by New Zealand author and parenting guru Ian Grant, entitled ‘Growing Great Boys: how to bring out the best in your son’. I hope you find it helpful, and would be interested to hear your thoughts if you would like to leave them.

All the best,

Michael.

Chapter 1: The landscape for boys in the 21^st century.

Grant begins his book by discussing what it looks like for boys to be growing up in our (western) modern 21^st century. One thing that hit me straight away was his priority in making sure that our sons hear a very consistent message from us (particularly from us fathers), and the message is this: ‘you’ve got what it takes, son’. He says that this message (among others) is ‘vital to every little boy’s sense of identity’ (p17).

He gives the example of when his grandson’s were playing (outdoor games in this case), and one of them began to get frustrated with the game, because they were losing. He gave them a pep talk, affirmed them with some high five’s, and he showed empathy toward them. Grant then says something quite interesting: ‘It was amazing how quickly a boy who was affirmed in this way recovered his compusure’ (p18).

He then goes on to say how boys really need to be parented differently than girls: how boys are biologically different, and thus wired differently than girls are, and let me tell you, it is refreshing to hear this common sense bit of truth, especially in our feminist saturated world, where I know some people are arguing that gender itself is only a social construction, and we need to obliterate any sort of distinctions and differences between the two genders.

Well, those of us with boys know that they are in fact different. I know with my son, he was immediately attracted to things that my daughter wasn’t, and vice-verse. My son loves trucks, and big machines. My daughter loves dolls, and playing mummy’s and daddy’s, and pretend cooking. It seems that these differences are quite hard wired into our genetics, and so it makes sense what Grant is saying, as to the different needs that boys have over girls. And thus the different ways we need to raise boys, as opposed to girls.

There’s a lot more that Grant says, which we’ll be exploring over the next few weeks. Hope you’ll come along for the ride!

————————————-

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Hi there, and welcome to another edition of Parenting Tips Daily. Here you’ll find some helpful tips that will help you in your challenging role as a parent. So please read and enjoy them: but most of all, remember to put them into practice. If they work, then keep doing them: if they don’t work, then try something else.

All the best!

Michael.

Tip #1: The best way to love your children is by having a happy marriage.

One of the saddest things that I come across is couples that have sacrificed their marriage for the sake of the children (or show think that it was for the sake of their children). Raising children is difficult and intense, and so it is easy to neglect your marriage, as you just try to get through the days. And yes, it is important that the needs of our children are met. But as counter-intuitive as it sounds, even more important than the needs of your children, is the need of your spouse. If you are able to meet your spouses needs, and love them, then what will then happen is that you meet one of the most important needs of your children: a stable, happy, secure marriage, where mum and dad get on and love each other.

And so let me put it this way: the best way to love your children, is by first of all loving your spouse. Studies have shown the incredible benefits that come to children who come from a house where there is a happy, functional marriage.  They are more likely to attend college, have a better relationship with both of their parents, and are emotionally healthier and more stable. The opposite is also true: where children come from homes where there is marital stress, or divorce, then the children are often affected in very negative ways. So remember: the best way to love your children is by first loving your spouse. Get this under control, and the rest will follow.

Tip #2: Giving medicine to a sick toddler.

If you do have to give bad tasting medicine to your sick toddler, then you know how hard it can be sometimes. And so it helps to somehow make the taste of the medicine less foul, or better tasting. One way is to mix the dose of the medicine with chocolate syrup. This will make the medicine seem more like a treat than a punishment (not that we give medicine as a punishment to children, but you know what I mean!). If you’re out of chocolate syrup, you could try refrigerating the medication to help mask it’s taste. (If you have any other suggestions, please leave them in a comment below).

I hope these tips help you to both survive and thrive as a parent!

Until next time, happy parenting!

Michael.

—————————————-

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.

Welcome to today’s edition of ‘Parenting Tips Daily’, where I put out some valueable parenting advice, that you can put into practice each day. In today’s edition, I discuss the importance of being a supportive parent, especially during times of change in a child’s life, as well as the importance of remaining consistent when disciplining your children. I hope you find them helpful!

Tip #1: Be supportive to your children, especially during times of change in their lives.

When you think about it, children go through an enormous amount of change throughout their lives. Not only do their bodies, minds, and personalities change (and what enormous changes they are, in such short space of time!), but their environment also changes. They start day-care, they start pre-school, they start kindergarden, they start school. All of this brings with it enormous adjustments in terms of friends, teachers, and daily routines. And so sometimes it’s not easy for children. And for many children, there is the sad change of a parent’s divorce, which brings with it a whole new family setup.

Change is the norm for children, and so it is important for us to remember this.

In particular, it is important to remember this because it’s not easy for kids to go through these changes (although some kids cope with change better than others, that’s for sure). And thus it is very important for you to supportive toward your child, particularly through these times of great change. If you want to be a good, supportive parent, then you need to learn to listen to your child, and hear them out about how they feel about these changes. Ask how they are going, how they are feeling, and empathise with them (i.e. understand them, stand in their shoes, as it were). If your child knows, and feels that you understand what they are going through, then they will more likely respond positively to those changes, and grow in their trust in you.

This in turn will help them to cope with and adjust to further changes in their life.

Tip #2: Be consistent in how you discipline your child.

When it comes to successful child discipline, I think one of the key ingredients is consistency. That is, having a strong tone one day, and a relaxed tone the next will only serve to confuse the child, and not help them in working out what is acceptable behaviour, and what is not. But if you remain consistent your child will realize that he or she will be consistently chastised for stepping out of line. This will help them to figure out where the line is, and stay within it.

And so if coming home after a certain time is unacceptable, then be sure to deliver appropriate consequences whenever they do come home late. Don’t get upset at them one week, but then let it slide the next: if they get home late, then be sure to follow through on whatever logical consequences you have earlier decided upon. This will help your child to learn what the acceptable home time is, and stick to it.

—————————–

I hope you’ve found these parenting tips useful. I also review a number of different parenting related items on my site, such as the Fisher Price Rainforest Gym, and the Gro Clock Sleep Trainer.  Please check them out at your leisure, as they will help in your parenting endeavours.